Mothers are celebrated because they have provided the gift of life. A life is something for which to be grateful. Some people say they wish they’d never been born. If you are here, it’s not a mistake. Some of us come into the most difficult of challenges, but with the right motives, all those experiences can be turned into meaning and purpose.
I spent many years resenting my mother for her shortcomings and mistakes that occurred during my childhood. The absence of safety and security left me bereft of a secure bond. As I worked through the baggage of my past, I was able to retain the good that she provided me such as her faith in me and my abilities, fostering independence, and her ability to be calm and steady regardless of events.
I made some of the same mistakes she made as a mom and even more. I had to acknowledge those mistakes before I could forgive myself and be forgiven. Then instead of blaming my mother for what went wrong, I was able to have a little compassion.
Maternal deficiencies can be compensated in many other ways. I found maternal energy from a grandmother. I also found her in Mother Earth, by watching nature and allowing it to fill me with awe and teach me about unconditional love. I also found many substitute moms who were able to provide the parts of nurturing and guidance that were lacking in my lineage. I was also fed maternal energy through a spiritual connection with the feminine divine energy of my higher power.
Having a child is the most difficult job in the world. I don’t think anyone truly understands the level of work until they have a child. Many of us are ill-equipped and unknowledgeable about what constitutes healthy parenting. Fortunately, we know a great deal more now than decades ago, and parenting styles and techniques are continuously improving.
I still work at being a better mom even though my kids are grown. Making mistakes is easy. Correcting them is lifelong. But we only have one mom, and that will never change. The gift of life is a beautiful thing, not something to be wasted. Despite my childhood pain, it was my responsibility to heal. Being free from the past, I can focus on being the best version of a good daughter. I feel blessed to have this resolution while my mom still lives.
Mom, thank you for teaching me all that you could. Thank you for the gift of life. I wouldn’t be here without you. Thank you for your faith in me. I wouldn’t be who I am without you.
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Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
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