Three Signs of Mentally Healthy Relationships

Meeting someone new and developing a relationship — romantic or
otherwise, always starts out fun and stimulating. But as time goes on, and the newness wears off, enthusiasm also wanes. Then, even further in time when people discover annoyances and imperfections in one another, unresolved tensions can lead to the relationship’s demise.
The purpose of a relationship is to grow personally and deepen connections with one another. Yet, it’s surprising how frequently people will allow relationships to die without due cause. Sometimes they have unrealistic expectations, sometimes it’s the unwillingness or lack of ability to work through problems. People who have mentally healthy unions have mastered certain behaviors that allow them to move beyond superficial to authentic intimacy. This happens because of growing together and independently — when the fun turns to work — though it need not be that way. The more we learn and grow the better persons we become and the better we feel about ourselves.

#1 Realistic Expectations
Realistic expectations mean that you understand that no one is perfect. Nor does anyone expect you to be perfect either, though it may not seem that way at times. When people feel more secure in a relationship, they become more natural. This is when the real selves emerge and the less desirable aspects of one’s personality are exposed.
At this stage, it will be clear whether there’s compatibility. Most things can be overlooked, but some can’t. For example, it’s not a deal breaker if someone runs a few minutes late but is otherwise reliable. But when someone consistently blows off a commitment, they are conveying a lack of interest, so it may not be worth engaging in what might feel too one-sided. Or if you have strong values like honesty and straightforwardness and this doesn’t align with the other person, then the gap to intimacy is probably too wide to bridge. Other nuances like bad habits, quirks, and the range of human mistakes and frailties, can and should be overlooked in the name of all that’s good in the other. Focusing on the positive instead of the negative will keep one’s expectations realistic and keep things on a positive track.

# 2 The Ability to be a Team
Every relationship must function as a team. If one person has a separate agenda from the other, they will be unable to function in unison. To be on the same team, you need to have similar values. The goals must matter to both. Otherwise, you will always be out of alignment and working against one another instead of together.
Just imagine if everyone on a sports team operated independently and didn’t play by the same rules. It would be chaos and impossible to win. If one person can’t be a team player in a relationship and follow agreements, it won’t be possible for the relationship to win. Instead, the lack of teamwork can only lead to continuous disappointment, failure, and ultimately giving up.

# 3 The Willingness to Resolve Conflicts
Conflict resolution is the most uncomfortable and challenging part of any resolution. The thought of addressing problems is uncomfortable and resisting doing so is only natural. This is usually due to imaginary scenarios of things only worsening if the issues are addressed.
Every relationship has conflict, but the best relationships are had by people who keep the deck clear. In other words, they deal with problems instead of burying them where they clutter and block their closeness.
Healthy partners know how to talk about things lovingly. They are honest without attack. They can make specific requests as opposed to pointing out the other’s faults. For example. instead of saying something like, “You’re always late,” they’d say something like, “I’d like to start on time because it makes me anxious to be late.  I’d rather schedule our plans later if that’s better for you.” Or instead of saying, “You never make time for me,” they’d say, “I feel like we’ve drifted apart and I miss our time together. Is everything ok?”
Whatever the issues, if you want the relationship to deepen, they must be addressed. Otherwise, little resentments can form into big walls. Eventually, they become too tall and too wide to get past.
Not all relationships are intended to last forever. Some are for a reason or a season. They serve a purpose for a certain amount of time and then they naturally and peacefully fade away. But for those that last the longest, loving connections are built like a bridge, one plank at a time toward deeper levels of trust and intimacy.
Most importantly, the participants are realistic, act as a team, and are willing to navigate the choppy waters toward conflict resolution. Then over time, that new acquaintance becomes a trusted liaison with whom you build a future of lasting love.

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