Imagine that every time someone hurt or offended you, you picked up a heavy brick and dropped it into a backpack you carried everywhere. You wanted it there to protect you from the people who violated you. But over time, that backpack grew so heavy it weighed down your every step. It wasn’t just exhausting to carry—it constricted your life, shrinking your world to a fraction of what it used to be. After all, retreating into a smaller space felt safer than risking another grudge and adding another brick to your load.
Resentment creates an illusion of safety yet protects us from nothing. While getting hurt is unavoidable, withdrawing from life only shrinks our capacity for joy. A far healthier path is to embrace our hurts as catalysts for personal growth. In close relationships, this means engaging with differences out of love rather than defense. In the wider world, it means granting others the grace to be imperfect without allowing their chaos to pull us in.
The most crucial step in healing is learning to forgive ourselves. Beneath almost every resentment toward others lies a hidden layer of self-condemnation—the belief that if we had only been smarter, stronger, or wiser, we wouldn’t have been hurt. Rather than engaging in gentle self-reflection, we project that internal blame outward onto the people, places, and circumstances around us. In doing so, we fall into a subtle trap: using those painful experiences as bricks to build a wall that locks resentment in and keeps love out.
We are here to live, love, and truly connect. When we allow resentments to weigh us down, we miss out on the rich, joyful life waiting for us. We have free will, so we can always choose. What will it be: bricks or hearts?
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Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
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