“I see only the past” and How This Controls Our Responses and Reactions

A Course in Miracles teaches us that one of the reasons we aren’t happy is because we live in the past. Sigmund Freud drew the same conclusions when he taught about transference — when someone doesn’t like you (or vice-versa) because you remind them of someone who previously caused them discomfort or pain. It’s the memory, not the current moment, that’s relived and resurrected. For example, if someone made you eat a particular food you couldn’t stand as a child, you’d experience the same repulsion whenever someone suggests you do something you feel opposed to now. Or if someone in your past put you down and made you feel inferior, you might be sensitive to criticism, even if it’s constructive and kind. If you had an abusive parent, you might confuse aggression with abuse — even if it’s not. The memories that haven’t been laid to rest rear their ugly heads and overshadow the present.

You’ll know this is true if — instead of feeling a mild annoyance — you experience internal rage. It would be like a fly landing on your arm, and rather than shooing it away, you find a cast iron skillet to obliterate it with. This is the internal state of stockpiled hurt and anger.

Strong reactions to any situation are rooted in the past. Otherwise, we might feel mildly annoyed or concerned but not reactive. The internal eruption is like a volcano that is smoldering but dormant. Then, when something triggers that old memory, the volcano erupts.

Here are three things you can do whenever you feel ramped:

1. Recognize the intensity of your emotions – You must first admit that you are heated and that this is not how you usually respond to a situation. The fact that you feel so reactive is your first clue that something is touching an old nerve.

2. Ask yourself, “Who/what does this remind me of in my past?” If you’re honest with yourself, you will remember the person or situation this current event triggered. Then, you’ve rooted out the source of your pain.

3. Tell yourself, “That was then, and this is now. It’s not the same person or situation. I am not helpless.” That will help to remind you that you’re not at the effect of the past. You can stay grounded in the current moment.

If you need more support, get additional professional help to work through unresolved pain or trauma to achieve emotional neutrality regarding unpleasant situations. You don’t become robotic or numb you simply dislike something minus the toxic reaction. You reclaim power over your emotional state. You can regulate the intensity of your emotions so that they don’t overcome you. Then, you’re free to make rational and logical decisions based on the current set of facts and circumstances.

Controlling your emotions instead of the reverse feels good and is empowering. You won’t have to say or do something you’ll regret. You’ll feel good that you kept your intellect over your emotions and maintained your dignity and self-respect. This doesn’t mean you lose yourself or don’t express yourself. It simply means you’re in the moment and not the past. You also save

your reserve for whenever there is a real and immediate threat — like an accident or an actual crisis. After all, the present moment is all we truly have. Let’s be here now.

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