Four Signs of a Secure Bond in A Relationship

Just because you feel secure in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have a secure bond. It’s normal to feel like nothing could ever happen to your relationship, but without a close bond, any relationship is at risk. That’s why we hear about broken relationships that looked “perfect” on the outside but were empty on the inside. It’s far better that you empower your relationship instead of risking losing it, or even enduring a relationship that isn’t satisfying or healthy.

Safety – Your closest relationships are supposed to be the safest people in your life. You know they wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt you. When they do make mistakes, they own them and do what they can to help you to heal, and vice-versa. You also know they have your back and will remain loyal when other people might not. They will be there for you when you need them. When you’re hurting, soothing words and warm hugs are the comforts that safe relationships provide.

If a relationship doesn’t feel safe, it’s impossible to fully commit. There will be a part of the heart that can’t form a secure bond and remains protected. Without safety, there is never a sense of trust in the relationship.

Vulnerability– Some people live their lives behind emotional walls. Perhaps they’re afraid that if you know their true feelings, you’ll think less of them. Or if you see the real person, you’ll reject them. Others are afraid of getting hurt based on past experiences, having nothing to do with now.

Someone who can’t let down their walls will never experience a true bond. It’s working through the flaws and the mistakes that build a strong relationship. It’s the differences that provide balance and diversity. It’s being willing to be hurt that teaches us how to trust our ability to heal. People who can form healthy bonds have learned that on the other side of the pain, is something better and they’re not afraid to love again.

Growth – It’s only natural to think we’re fine just the way we are and there’s no need to continue growing. But people in healthy relationships are willing to continue to learn to be better human beings. They are not afraid to hear the truth about themselves even if it’s painful because they want to be the best version of themselves.

In healthy relationships, conflicts are embraced as opportunities for growth instead of perceiving them as assaults on one’s character. By listening to one another, the problems can be attacked instead of one another. There’s a commitment to resolving the issue in a way that creates a win-win outcome. Having worked through the issues makes both people feel they have something real and secure.

Gratitude– One of the most common mistakes in a relationship is to take someone for granted. They stop appreciating the contributions being made and take those things for granted. They may stop noticing what someone is doing for them and come to expect it.

It’s important to remain grateful for someone’s contributions, especially as time goes on. Making someone feel good about their efforts reinforces how much you appreciate them for what they provide to the relationship. What someone does for another is an act of love, not entitlement. Acknowledging those efforts and giving back keeps the bond secure and continually renewed.

Lasting relationships that are satisfying feel right even during the challenges. Both people put the best interests of the relationships above personal gains. Things don’t have to be perfect, but there’s a sense of security that both people equally care about the sanctity of the union. Over time, uncertainty evolves into a bond that feels safe, trustworthy, and secure.

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