Different Kinds of Dads

Father’s Day is an important time to remember how important our dads are. Despite all the conversations about men and their privileges and limitations, we need to remember that it takes two to make a human being. Some dads are better than others, but every child has a father whether he’s present or not. The gift of life requires both sexes.

Some dads are absent from their child’s lives. In many cases, these fathers don’t know they’re a parent. Perhaps they were never told. Sometimes, the mother may have had multiple sex partners or went through a clinic for a donor, and the paternal gene is unknown. Some fathers refuse participation — either emotionally, physically, or financially. Maybe they didn’t plan the pregnancy, didn’t realize the commitment, or were incapable of the maturity required to be a good parent. These men must live with permanent regret.

In some cases, parents deliberately alienate their children from the other parent. This causes severe emotional problems for the child. Since every human being is half father and half mother, every child should know of the good in both parents lest they see only the bad in themselves. Unless the father has been abusive, there is no excuse for a parent to interfere with a parent-child relationship.

Some dads are physically and financially present but can’t (or won’t) be emotionally available to their kids. This is usually because of the way they were raised, and they weren’t with provided the proper tools for parent-child bonding. In previous generations fathers were told to be tough on their boys, teach them to avoid crying, and avoid doting on them. These young men learned how to shut down and avoid their emotions. We now know that a boy can be nurtured by both parents and taught self-discipline, too.

Some dads are emotionally, physically, and financially present. They love being fathers to their children. They are good providers but spend time with their children and create many good memories throughout the child’s rearing. They know when to be tough and when to be gentle. They understand age-appropriate discipline and aren’t afraid to teach their children the importance of self-control. They also demonstrate consistent affection and love.

A good dad works at having a good relationship with the child’s mother even if she’s difficult. He will hold her in high esteem yet acknowledge to his child that all parents have limitations and neither parent is perfect.

Many fathers are surrogates. Stepfathers choose to marry someone with children and take on the role of a parent to someone else’s child. Adopted parents do the same with all the legal rights of a biological parent. In these cases, the biological parent (if known), must grant permission.

There are also psychological fathers. They could be relatives or friends whose intentions are to provide love and guidance for those in need. These individuals mentor, serve, guide, and assist people they choose to help. They have no legal rights, but they serve as a loving parent in the minds of those they help.

Children need masculine and feminine energy — it builds healthy and adaptive kids. Father’s Day is a time to appreciate men for their contributions to their kids and to remember that kids need their love and support. If you didn’t say so on Father’s Day, regardless of your age, take the time to acknowledge a father for the good he’s done. Our dads won’t live forever so today is the best time to say how you feel.

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