It’s impossible to go through life without stress. There will always be hectic moments and unwanted situations beyond our control. During those times when we experience emotional and physical states that are uncomfortable, it’s only natural to resist them. But resisting stress only compounds it. Instead, you can learn to move through those moments without intensifying the unpleasant experience and even turn stress into a neutral experience.
#1 – Acceptance over Resistance – When an unplanned or unwanted event or circumstance springs upon us, it can feel like a tornado descending on a perfectly calm and sunny day. You might be happily going along in your routine and suddenly something like an unexpected bill, or major responsibility gets piled on your well-planned day. Maybe there’s an accident or you suddenly realize you forgot an appointment. In any case, there’s an unwanted intrusion into your neatly planned schedule.
Life happens and it’s only normal that unexpected mishaps and situations occur. When we fight the unexpected, we increase the stress. If we think ‘I don’t like this,’ or ‘Why is this happening?’ we are putting up a wall of resistance to life. Instead, we can choose to go with the flow with an attitude of acceptance. Instead of being upset that things are happening that I don’t like, I can say, “Life doesn’t have to go my way, it only goes the way it’s intended.” I can also remember that it might even be better than what I’d planned. When I can go with the flow, I reduce the tension that my mind creates by thinking things should be different than they are.
Many people hold their breath when they feel stressed. Taking three deep breaths can drastically change your physiological state from agitation to calm and more accepting of the current stressor.
#2 – Time Management – I recently heard someone say, “If you arrive on time, you’re late.” For someone who tends to arrive exactly on time, and often a minute or two late, this statement hit home. Planning to arrive on time doesn’t allow for the unexpected – trains, excess traffic, reroutes, etc. And when those things happen the internal stressometer goes haywire. Better to plan on being five minutes early, arrive composed, and use the extra few minutes constructively.
Procrastination is another stressor that is completely under one’s control. If tasks are completed quickly, they don’t pile up. With a clean slate of responsibilities, you don’t get as overwhelmed with unexpected occurrences. In fact, you might even welcome them because you’ll have more free time than you would if you had a heap of tasks on your plate.
#3 – The Power of No – Some people will accommodate other people’s requests even when it’s against their best interests. It’s far healthier to say no to a request than to upset your apple cart with one more apple. Better to feel a twinge of guilt than to feel harried and overwhelmed for the entire day. Something like, “I’d love to accommodate you, but I can’t today because there’s too much going on,” is a perfectly reasonable response to something you can’t reasonably accommodate.
Being able to decline a request is a self-esteem issue. People who feel they must accommodate everyone’s wishes aren’t taking care of themselves. No one can reasonably expect someone to always accommodate them all the time. If it’s not good for you, you’re accepting more stress, and then it’s not good for anyone else either.
We have a great deal of control over our daily lives by the way we choose to manage them. But life always serves up the unexpected and there’s plenty we don’t control. However, how we react to those situations and circumstances can be either positive or negative. By choosing our thoughts, remembering to breathe and embrace what’s happening, and managing our time, we can learn to surf the waves of stress with exhilaration instead of a wipe-out. No one is entitled to a perfect day, but we always can transform those less desirable moments into a more positive experience. And when we do, we are going with the flow of life that always has a better landing on the shore than we could have ever imagined.
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Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
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