For many of us, happiness is a skill we need to cultivate. Some people naturally experience the joy of ideal childhoods and stay positive. The rest of us may have lost this natural state due to too many setbacks, lack of essential love and care, or being conditioned to feel less than we are; all of which can diminish a child’s natural resilience and optimism. Luckily, we don’t have to stay stuck in these patterns caused by difficult circumstances. We can always choose to pursue a happiness goal.
I’m happiest when:
I focus on how I can give instead of what I can receive. I feel more fulfilled when I adopt a sharing mindset, rather than letting feelings of emptiness and lack take over my thoughts.
I look for the good in a loved one instead of what bothers me. I’m much better off working on my own faults instead of zooming in on someone else’s. When I compliment rather than criticize, the bridge to love expands rather than contracts.
When I express what I want without demanding, such as asking for help with an errand, rescheduling an appointment, or requesting a favor, everyone has the right to decline. By making requests this way, I avoid the helpless-victim role and instead embrace the self-loving-adult role.
Recognizing acts of kindness. It’s easy to take people for granted, but when I thank others for their contributions, it strengthens the emotional connection. Instead of just expecting people to do their part, it’s more meaningful to thank them for sharing their effort, time, and other resources.
Being kind and friendly to service workers. Instead of ignoring cashiers, servers, and phone agents or reacting negatively to them, I can choose to be pleasant and supportive. Maybe they are going through some personal hardship, or perhaps they’ve been treated unkindly by many customers. When I try to make them feel better instead of focusing on how poorly they are making me feel, I experience a wonderful sense of connection, even if they don’t respond.
Whenever I embrace different opinions, I always learn something new. I have my own viewpoints, but they are limited. When I listen to other perspectives, my awareness broadens, and I can see things a little differently.
When I give random compliments, smiles, and hugs, I always feel loved and loving. Love is contagious and always feels better than when I withdraw inward.
When I take a few moments to bask in stillness—stop doing, always doing something, and quietly breathe—so that my empty well can refill itself.
These are just a few things that make me happy. There are many more I turn to when I’m in a bad mood or feeling out of sorts. I like to feel good, and the more I practice random acts of love and kindness, the more I enjoy this wonderful, short-lived earthling experience.
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Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
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