September is suicide prevention month. The World Health Organization reports more than 700,000 people commit suicide yearly and is the fourth leading cause of death for 15-29-year-olds. Suicide is on the rise with nearly 50,000 people dying by their own hands in America last year. But suicide is preventable.
Many people who commit suicide believe that no one truly cares about them. Depression is at an all-time high, many people remain isolated since COVID. When people are lonely and depressed, they’re more likely to feel suicidal.
If you know someone who you think is in danger of harming themselves, there are some things you can do to save their lives.
Ask Questions
If you’re worried about someone because they seem depressed or changes in their personality concern you, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Are you ok? What’s going on? Are you feeling hopeless? What are your thoughts about how you’ll get over this? Do you feel like hurting yourself? If someone says they don’t want to live anymore, that’s a red flag. You’ll then want to make sure the person is safe. Remove anything like guns or substances they could use to harm themselves. Make sure they’re not alone and that someone stays with them until they feel back to normal.
Tune into subtle statements like, “Everyone would be better off without me,” “I don’t see the reason to be here,” and “No one would care if I didn’t exist.” These comments open the door to further probing.
Avoiding a loving conversation can be interpreted by a depressed person as not caring. When you ask questions, you’re letting them know that their life matters to you. It also allows you to tell them you want them to live, you want to help, and you’d suffer greatly without them. Sometimes, that’s enough to keep them going until they feel better.
Encourage Them to Get Help
When someone is hopeless, they need to know that things can get better. When you suggest they get professional help to get through their current state, you are offering hope. Maybe ask around or look for agencies that specialize in depression and suicide. You can even make some calls with the person of your concern.
You might even share a time that you felt down and how you managed to get through it. Offer to make an appointment for them with a professional who specializes in treating depression and crisis counseling and even offer to go with them. Getting support is important because even when someone starts to feel better, they’re not out of danger. Many suicides happen after a brief recovery and the setback is overwhelming.
If someone refuses help and it seems like they may harm themselves, don’t stop until you know they’ve gotten help.
You can also call the suicide hotline; the phone number is 988.
Inform Their Family/Significant Others
Professionals are required by law to notify the authorities and family when they’re working with a suicidal person. But as a friend, there’s plenty you can do as well. If you know a family member, you can contact them and tell them your concerns. Be specific. For example, “I’m worried about Bob, he doesn’t seem himself, and he’s making comments that he’d be better off dead.” Or “Sally hasn’t gotten out of bed for three days and she’s refusing to eat. She’s so depressed she can hardly speak. I’m worried she’s going to do something harmful to herself.”
In some states, there are legal measures concerned persons can take. They can call 911 if someone is threatening suicide, or they can file the legal paperwork required for an intervention. You can contact an attorney who specializes in mental health law if doing it yourself is overwhelming. It might be uncomfortable to take drastic measures, but it will feel much better than doing nothing and then losing a loved one who could have been saved.
It’s painful to lose someone to suicide. Whatever causes a person to feel hopeless enough to take their life is usually a temporary condition. Being there to help them through that situation could prevent a permanent solution to a short-term condition. It might be hard to get involved and you might feel inadequate to help. But anyone capable of showing they care can be the one who helps someone walk past the valley of death and be there by their side.
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Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
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