When you look back on your life, certain loves will stand out above the rest. Each relationship carries its own intensity: you were either treated exceptionally well or poorly. Regardless, if those relationships ended, they brought pain—a pain that often stems from an inner emptiness born of rejection or loss. Many people spend their entire lives searching for the perfect love, hoping it will shield them from repeating that pain.
You might go through life thinking, “If only I could find someone to share my life with, everything would be so much better.” This is an illusion so many of us live by. While a partner can temporarily ease loneliness, romantic love cannot fill an internal void for long. Eventually, that persistent gnawing—the feeling that something is still missing—will return.
The most important person you will ever love is yourself. Looking outside yourself for fulfillment assumes that you are incomplete. In truth, you were born whole. While that doesn’t mean all your emotional or physical needs were met in childhood, it does mean that as an adult, you now have the power to fulfill those needs yourself.
When you truly love yourself, the inner emptiness vanishes. You nurture yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually, no longer replacing genuine human connection with temporary, superficial substitutes. Instead of searching for someone to complete you, you feel a deep sense of fullness that you simply want to share. You stop searching for love because you realize that you already are love.
Whenever you feel as though something is missing, turn inward and ask: Am I taking proper care of myself? You might need to eat better, stay active, spend time with loved ones, or reconnect with whatever higher power nourishes your soul.
You are the most important person you will ever love. Give yourself the love and care you desire, share that fullness with others, and you will find the happiness you seek.
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Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
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