There’s an expression among people in recovery: No pain, no gain. Pain, whether physical or emotional, captures our attention more than any other sensation or emotion. Everyone has a pain threshold, and most people don’t change until the fire becomes so hot, it’s unbearable. However, even though pain is a strong motivator, it’s not necessary for change.
There is something far more powerful than discomfort that can lift anyone out of any situation and foster growth that feels good. The strongest motivator everywhere is self-love.
Love doesn’t force change; it inspires it. Love opens the mind and the heart, creating a sense of motivation that’s the opposite of avoiding pain. Instead, it fosters a vision of a better future – one of freedom and satisfaction. Love is not selfish, though it might seem that way when someone leaves an unfit relationship or situation. Leaving a relationship that no longer fosters growth is a loving choice.
Many people with addictions believe they will suffer pain once they give up their so-called best friend. Nothing could be further from the truth. Every addiction acts as a substitute for love. When the addiction is replaced with acts of love, only positive feelings fill the emptiness, unlike addiction, which masks the pain and deepens the hole. Replacing addictions with friends, healthy food, exercise, and learning how to love oneself restores the happiness we were meant to experience. We’re no different from little children. When we have affection, play well, have structure, responsibility, and eat healthily, we’re naturally happy. We can practice these acts of self-love anytime to restore ourselves to our true state.
Some of us have carried old pain for a long time. This, too, is optional. It’s uncomfortable to face old wounds, but unless we do, they continue to fester.
If you want to make a change but are afraid to, try replacing the unwanted behavior with a loving one. You’ll be surprised at how quickly you can be motivated to keep doing the next right thing. Then, before you know it, you will have undergone a transformation without any suffering at all. You only need to decide to reclaim your true value and worth. This is something you were born with, and you simply need to remove the barriers that prevent you from restoring your true pain-free self.
JOIN OUR MOVEMENT TO SAVE MILLIONS OF LIVES FROM ADDICTION.
Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
Sign up for the mailing list
You will receive the latest articles, meditation tracks, inspirational content and much more
