It’s completely normal to feel upset when things don’t go as planned. Setting realistic expectations and managing disappointment from an unwanted outcome can lead to anger, sadness, or even vengeful feelings. But we have the power to choose how long those negative emotions stay with us and to find the quickest way to let them go.
First, when you’re disappointed, it’s important to allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. The main reason people obsess over an upsetting event is that they don’t process the emotion. Fighting our feelings is like holding your finger on a water faucet; the liquid only spills out sideways. Taking a few moments to feel whatever emotions surface helps us to release them. Then we can gradually restore a peaceful state of mind.
Talking with a compassionate person about the issue is also helpful. Sharing pain always reduces the intensity. When someone listens, they demonstrate that they care. Discussing our letdowns helps us gain a better perspective on the situation and promotes a lightness of heart to create a new plan.
We can also remember that not getting what we want might be a blessing in disguise. We can’t see the big picture, and usually, in retrospect, we understand why losing turned out to be for our highest good. This kind of reassurance can affirm that things often work out for the best and help us to let go and move forward.
Finally, finding gratitude during a disappointing situation can help us learn from the experience. Instead of feeling down and resentful, we can recognize the silver lining when a dark cloud looms. A simple affirmation like – I’m hurting right now, but there’s an opportunity for growth here – can significantly affect how long a dark cloud hovers.
Disappointments are a natural part of life. However, the way we handle them can either make us feel angry and sad or help us become better. We can’t control everything that happens to us, but we always have a choice to either fight those moments or use them to grow.
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Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
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