There’s a lot of talk about narcissism these days. In my view, too many people are labeled as narcissists when they might have other psychological issues, such as different types of autism (another topic), or those who don’t know how to share or express their concerns for others. Others are desensitized and numb to other people’s problems, which is quite common in today’s world of constant negative bombardment. Then there are those too self-absorbed to emerge long enough to relate to another’s distress. These individuals can emerge from their shells and show concern for others when prompted.
When you can imagine what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes and genuinely show that you care about their pain, you are empathetic. It’s not something that can be faked. True empathy is healing, and fake empathy only rubs salt in the wound.
Empathy is an essential part of any relationship. Knowing someone who understands their situation provides reassurance and comfort for the hurting.
Empathy doesn’t mean we feel sorry for the person or try to fix anything. Instead, we hold space to listen and respond in ways that validate the person’s experience. Soothing comments like, “That situation hurt you, scared you, was unnerving,” or “It’s painful to feel so powerless and hopeless,” can lift another’s angst and help them feel understood.
An empathetic person doesn’t give unsolicited advice. Instead, you can be helpful by asking questions like, “Would you like me to help you find a solution?” or “Are you looking for any suggestions for this dilemma?” Or, an action like doing a favor for someone who is too distressed to help themselves can benefit the giver as much as the recipient.
If the pain is a direct result of careless behavior, a sincere apology demonstrates empathy for causing someone else’s discomfort. Most people are quick to forgive when a mistake is acknowledged.
Although many of us feel overwhelmed by the world’s issues, empathy remains more vital than ever. Sensory overload isn’t an excuse to ignore others and their struggles. Even the smallest amount of care acts like a booster for healing aloneness. It’s the glue that holds us together with love and unity instead of strife and division.
The next time you witness suffering, including your own, try showing some concern. You might find that a bit of empathy is the most comforting medicine of all.
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Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
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