Three Differences Between Justice And Revenge

Betrayal comes in many different forms — infidelity, conning, lying, omission, theft, and any other form of deception to avoid keeping one’s word. When someone defiles an agreement it’s only natural to want to get even. But getting even has a cost and often results in a lose-lose outcome because it’s investing in revenge instead of justice and there’s no guaranteed outcome. If someone has exploited or otherwise violated your trust, you have every right to hold someone accountable for their actions. But the ultimate goal should be justice, not revenge.

Revenge is intended to hurt – Justice is intended to right wrongs.

When someone is betrayed, it’s only natural to feel outraged. If you discover that you’ve been hoodwinked, gaslighted, lied to, or otherwise deceived, you feel hurt. The problem with revenge is that others (including the revenge seeker) can suffer collateral damage.

Justice has only one goal — to enforce those agreements through whatever rational and legal actions are available. If the agreements are no longer wanted by either party, they come up with a mutually agreeable solution for termination. But before you can do that, you must not feel responsible for the other person’s behavior. If you trusted someone, (unless you knew they were untrustworthy) you did nothing wrong. So instead of being hurt and vengeful, be smart and take constructive action to obtain justice.

Revenge is cowardly – Justice takes courage.

Most people are embarrassed or ashamed when they’ve been betrayed. They feel like they made the mistake of trusting someone they shouldn’t have. Often, they are too embarrassed to take a course of action (legally or otherwise) and will harbor anger and resentment while they plot a way to get even. Other people swallow their pride and move on without seeking justice at all. In either case, the perpetrator is not held accountable.

People who are honest trust other people. They are not expecting to be betrayed. This is not foolish, it’s innocent. If the person who was wronged can forgive themselves and not internalize the bad behavior of their opponent, they can have the courage to take the right actions.

First, ask for the agreement to be kept. Negotiations give everyone an opportunity for civil discourse and to either resolve the conflicts or create a termination agreement. Sometimes if the problem is a misunderstanding, it can be resolved through clarification or mediation.

An honorable person will keep agreements or at least be willing to negotiate a solution rather than avoid you. If they refuse, then employ the expertise of a consultant or lawyer, and take whatever legal steps are necessary to hold the person accountable. But again, the motive is justice, not hurting or harming anyone. Always let the person know that if you can’t resolve the matter amicably, you will have to take the next steps. They may consider this a threat instead of a warning, but that’s not your problem.

Revenge comes from fear – Justice comes from love.

People who want revenge don’t trust possible healthy solutions. They are fearful justice won’t prevail. Or they think “taking the high road,” is better than standing up for themselves. Or to get even, they take matters into their own hands and think they will feel better. They might, for a moment, until the consequences of revenge boomerang back at them.

Justice is only focused on keeping agreements and doing what’s right — it never is intended to hurt or harm. Though holding the exploiter accountable might feel threatening, an honorable person will face the music.

Remaining in a loving frame of mind means holding someone accountable but from a place of neutrality. Instead of seeing someone as personally wronging you (which they have) see them as spiritually sick and damaged. You’re not the only one they’ve hurt, it’s their nature. If you see the possibility of someone else being harmed by an abuser, you may feel a duty to warn them by reporting the facts of what happened to you.

When you come from love, you only want justice – either an honored agreement or another mutually agreeable solution. You refuse to lash out, get angry, or be resentful. You are solely focused on a win-win solution. Naturally, this doesn’t always work out — especially when dealing with people who lack an active conscience. But despite appearances, no one really gets away with anything in this universe. It’s impossible to violate laws of honesty and integrity and not pay a price. We reap what we sow.

When you come from love, you want to resolve things so that no one has to pay a price, you do what’s right.

When you come from justice instead of revenge, you are trusting that any losses endured and not recovered will be compensated from elsewhere. People who’ve been cheated on and used their pain to grow found someone much better for them. People who’ve been financially exploited (I call this involuntary tithing), have been blessed with funds from other sources. Others who’ve been lied to and deceived, have learned the gift of discernment. All can learn to forgive themselves for the mistake of trusting an unworthy person.
When you seek justice without revenge, you will always come out the winner.

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