Healing From Loss

Losing someone or anything of significance (a career, your beloved pet, a sentimental object), that you love is always a painful experience. It not only leaves a hole in one’s life but in one’s heart also. 

People cope with loss in different ways. Some people try to be stoic while others fill their lives with busy work so that they don’t have to think about the loss. Losing a loved one is a painful event in a person’s life and can’t be bypassed without suffering other consequences. If you want to heal, you must be willing to grieve. If not, the unprocessed pain remains stuck in your unconscious and can adversely govern your actions.

Take extra quiet time – Instead of piling on extra work or otherwise distracting yourself, sit quietly in stillness a few times a day. Five to ten minutes is enough time to digest your emotional experience. Don’t do anything during this time. Simply sit in a safe place and just be. At first, it might feel uncomfortable, but once you get in the habit, you will be able to enjoy this time without counting the minutes. 

If you had a sprained ankle, you wouldn’t be running around all day. You’d have to keep your leg elevated and walk with some type of additional support. Otherwise, you’d only injure it further or prevent its healing. When you’ve suffered a loss, your heart needs the same type of care so that it can be nurtured and allowed to recover.

Allow yourself to feel – I recently had the honor of officiating a funeral. Some of the attendants were openly weeping, some were suppressing their tears, and others were entirely stoic. One gentleman in the pews was unabashedly moaning as tears streamed down his face and I thought good for him. He was purging his pain.

Some people don’t feel comfortable crying. This is usually due to being shamed or embarrassed by someone when they were younger. God gave us tears for two reasons, to cleanse our eyes and to cleanse our hearts. When we cry, we are releasing the grief from our hearts. You can watch any child and see how rapidly they heal. They cry for a few minutes, and then they want to go out and play. As we grow, our losses are usually greater, and all the more reason to grieve.

When we hold on to the tears, our hearts can harden. At the very least, it delays healing. Being vulnerable is not a sin or something to be embarrassed about, it’s healthy. Instead of withholding that pain because someone foolishly made you feel wrong to cry, you now can restore yourself to a childhood innocence that allows you to naturally express your painful emotions. Whoever came up with the idea it’s more dignified to be stoic when your sad, needs a good dose of humility. Acting against one’s natural God-given emotions makes no sense at all.

Find support – Whether you confide in a good friend, find a support group, or see a therapist, support is vital. Sharing the loss with a caring person helps you to validate your experience while giving yourself the care that you need as well. Group support feels good because other people are going through similar experiences, and it feels safe to share your pain with those who have a common bond. 

Receiving support for your emotional pain is like having crutches for a sprained ankle. You don’t have to carry the pain all alone. When you have someone to talk to it can lift you out of depression and hopelessness, and bridge you toward recovery. It takes far more courage to be vulnerable than to remain bottled up. Allow someone to hold your hand so you don’t have to carry the load all alone.

Healing from loss is a conscious process. When we grieve, we are free to be open to life again. Honoring that process is a tribute to the loss. Taking the time to feel and allowing others to support your grieving will allow you to convert your pain into meaning and purpose. It allows the sun to break through the dark and formable clouds of your pain so that light can enter and shine your way to a complete recovery from your loss.

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