The holidays are a time to eat, drink, spend, and be merry. Right? Not necessarily. For many people, eating, drinking, and spending leads to moroseness instead of merriment. Weight gain, hangovers, anxiety, debt, depression, and a multitude of other conditions are often the not-so-fun side of holiday glee-boosted indulgences.
We’ve become conditioned – consciously and unconsciously – to cut loose and indulge in a party-minded mentality from Thanksgiving through New Year’s. We are bombarded with visions of tinkling glasses, laughter, and ring-ring-a-ling partying as if there’s nothing else to do that would bring such joy.
Some people can’t imagine the holidays without such festivities despite the price they pay. But it’s possible to not only have a good time sober (of clear mind), but with the right attitude, you can have a wonderful holiday season – without the downside that overindulgence brings.
Benefit # 1 – Lack of Remorse – How many times have you seen someone act foolish when they’ve had too much? Maybe they’re staggering around, slurring their words, making promises they can’t keep, throwing money around, or mooning over people they don’t even know. They may have the luxury of a blackout or otherwise mentally blocking out the event, but not for you. It can be like watching a horror show. You know it won’t end well, yet as you watch them approach the side of the cliff you are powerless to stop them from falling off. Sometimes we can learn the most from watching other people and we don’t have to make the same regretful mistakes.
How many times have you seen someone say or do something while they were tipsy, and they were morbidly ashamed the next day? It takes a few minutes to go on a spending spree that can take years to pay off. The same holds true for the effort it takes to lose the weight gain from a month of binging on sweets and carbs.
Staying off of sprees during the holidays means you can actually enjoy this blessed time of year without the remorse that comes from overdoing it. You can still eat, drink, and be merry, you just don’t eat bad food, intoxicate yourself, or create debt. You’ll find that you can be merry and stay that way without the remorse that bad habits can bring.
Benefit # 2 – Remaining Emotionally Present – There’s a veil that separates us from what’s truly important when our minds are consumed with getting our next fix. There’s the preoccupation with making it happen, the time spent indulging, and then the distant or negative personality change that comes after. Family outings and plans get washed away with the aftereffects of our eating, drinking, spending, and any other sprees.
Friends and family witness their loved ones being hijacked and just want them back. They don’t see the constant conflict over guilt versus the need for the next bout of fun and release.
It’s impossible to serve two masters – loving habits more than people causes failure on all fronts.
The free time during the holidays can be used for two purposes – building loving memories or lasting images of disappointment, sorrow, and loss. If impaired, we might not remember, but those who silently stood by and watched us will have those moments branded in their minds forever.
Being emotionally present means prioritizing love over anything else. There’s nothing more important than the present moment. Showing up fully and looking into the eyes of those we love, with full heart and soul is the most valuable gift we can ever give, and no temporary distraction should pull us from that connective bond.
Benefit # 3 – Keeping Personal Power – Ironically, the best way to gain control is to let go of control. Addictive things like alcohol, sugar, certain foods, and spending sprees have a hidden price tag attached to the moments of relief they provide. None of these things are designed for occasional use, they are intended to hit the dopamine lever in the brain and flood you with euphoria. Naturally, the more you get the more you want. It’s not your fault you got hooked. Eventually, you realize something’s not right.
Maybe your health has suffered, you’re angry, or depressed, or your career has slowly slipped from underneath you. Maybe you’ve gone to a doctor or a therapist and you’ve been treated for the symptoms you’re experiencing but never the actual cause of those symptoms. You’ve emotionally flatlined and find your world has shrunk with little to enjoy but your favorite hobby – drinking, eating, spending… You decide to stop or control your favorite pastime, and you feel good about it at first. But you can’t stay stopped. The thought that you ‘deserve a little treat and you can control it this time’ creeps back in and soon, you’re back at the races. The seesaw of abstinence and reengaging can go on for decades sucking away your life force.
Giving up control means stop trying to control. If you don’t reengage a little bit, you won’t have to get sucked into the vortex at all. Then you have all the control. You’ve reclaimed your life, your value, and all that is near and dear to you.
The benefits of sober holidays are many. Embracing what the holidays mean to you can only be fully appreciated from a place of internal abundance. Nothing outside of you can fill you like the spirit of love. And love does not need to be injected with anything. It offers all that we could ever need – now and always.
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Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
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