Replacing Stress with Less During the Holidays

For many people, the holidays are a stressful time. There is pressure to attend holiday events, spend additional money, wrap presents, decorate, and entertain guests – all neatly crammed into existing busy schedules.  These added tasks can be overwhelming and take the fun out of this special time of the year. But just because the holidays bring on added responsibilities, doesn’t mean we have to be at the effect of them.
We always have a choice about what we want to do, and how we will react to the added stress at this time of year. Here are some tips to keep the pressure low and your spirits high.

Set Limits – When we try to be all things to all people, we are bound to pay a price. Giving of yourself is an honorable attribute, but there’s a difference between giving out of love and giving out of guilt. When we give out of love, there’s no underlying resentment or regret, like giving to avoid feeling uncomfortable for some unconscious reason. When we give for the right reasons, it feels joyful – even if it’s a bit of a stretch. Also, when gifts feel obligatory, they are often provided to the wrong people for the wrong reasons.
When considering giving a gift you can ask yourself two questions. Does this feel good? Is there a genuine need or is there some other motive?
Your gift of time is also a place to set limits. Instead of buying a lot of presents, you can cut back to one or two nice things. I’ve also learned how to give what people ask for – like gift cards. Young people especially prefer to select what they want. Why waste time making purchases that someone else will have to take back? In these situations, gift cards are a win-win. You can still wrap them in a nice gift box and make the gift as special as any other item. If you have the time and you want to be more personal, you can always give a few homemade items like cookies, or decorations.
You can also set limits on your time. If you spend too much time doing too much for others, you wear yourself out and don’t have the energy for those who truly need your time. If your energy is spent, you can’t be emotionally present – the most important gift to anyone who loves you.

Get Support– I love to entertain, and it took a long time for me to learn how to let go of some of the holiday preparations and allow others to help me. I would worry that things wouldn’t be done right (according to my way of what’s right), or I had problems asking for assistance. I’d even avoid hiring someone because I’d tell myself it wasn’t worth the effort to show them where everything was, or I’d fret that they might throw away silverware or break dishes. Sometimes, when I’d ask for help and it wasn’t forthcoming, I’d feel unsupported and wish I’d never asked at all.
Eventually, I learned that the more that people participate in holiday preparations, the more they feel a part of the celebrations, the less I have to do, and the more I can enjoy their company. Now, making Christmas cookies, decorating the tree, wrapping packages, and meal preparations are more about building memories as a family instead of needing to have things a certain way.

Maintain a Positive Attitude– We can’t control external stresses – like additional traffic, long lines in stores, or extra responsibilities during the holidays. But we can control our attitude about these things.
First, if we’re not in a hurry, we won’t get stressed about being late or having to wait. Also, if we do things ahead of time and spread them over a longer period, we can set a comfortable tempo for our accomplishments. It makes no sense to cram everything into a few days, even if it is early on. Making a “To-do list,” organizing a schedule, and reasonably checking things off, can make it feel gratifying instead of feeling like you have a second job.
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or stretched too thin, take a break. Sit down and have a refreshment. Regroup or stop what you’re doing and refuse to keep pushing.

The holidays should be fun, not drudgery. It’s the time of year to be in a better mood – to feel grateful for family and celebrations – religious or otherwise. It’s the time of year to allow your light to shine so don’t let stress cause it to dim. Decide how much you want to do and then follow the limits you’ve set. Then you’ll be able to express the joy that the holidays encompass without having to be prophets, martyrs, or Mr. or Mrs. Claus – something best left to those who are designated for those positions.

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