My New Year’s Resolution – A New Attitude

It’s easy to slip into negativity. Aside from life’s ups and downs, the news bombards us with one disaster after the next. It seems everything’s wrong in the world and there’s no hope for better. Then there’s life in general. Appliances break, things get canceled, illnesses hijack our plans, and people who don’t keep their word or otherwise let us down. Even with the best coping tools, it’s easy to slip into a lousy state of mind. 

Even though I’m usually upbeat and peaceful, this holiday season I found myself in a negative spiral. Despite my general sense of well-being, I was agitated and discontent – nothing seemed right. I wanted to yell at drivers who were using their horns as weapons to upset people who weren’t moving fast enough for them. I found myself yelling at some guy who laid on the horn because my friend (who’d had recent knee surgery) wasn’t crossing the parking lot fast enough for him. Scowling faces popped up like haunted ghosts at every shop filled with long lines and I found myself reacting to them instead of sending a smile or a joyful word. When people shoved their way in front of someone instead of considering those who were first, I felt my nerves jumping out of my skin.

A few days before Christmas, I realized I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t in the usual holiday spirit. I didn’t care about shopping and felt annoyed people would rather have gift certificates instead of presents. What’s the point? Aren’t we just taking the easy way? Even though it might be practical, it didn’t feel very giving. Why not just write a check? Then at least you don’t get charged an additional credit card fee. Bah humbug. Instead of looking forward to our annual Christmas Eve dinner with friends and family, I felt so-so. All that cooking and work and then people don’t R.S.V.P., cancel at the last minute, or show up with an unannounced guest—poor me.

 Then I found myself focusing on everything I didn’t like about my husband instead of the many good things. 

Finally, I became so uncomfortable with myself that I realized I’d gone down the nothing’s right in the world rabbit hole. I’d allowed my mind to go astray.

So instead of listening to the news I started listening to music. I looked within to see what was really troubling me. That helped a little, but not enough. I couldn’t come up with much to complain about in my mostly ideal life. Healthy kids, beautiful grandchildren, great friends, a stable marriage, a dream career, and a beautiful home in a wonderful location – no real lack on any front. But the gratitude list wasn’t enough, I was still triggered by outside events, and the internal unrest remained. 

While mindlessly driving along the waterfront, I searched for the answer to my malaise. Why was I feeling this way? And then it hit me. I was running on self-will, disconnected from the Source of all joy, I’d gone adrift. Even though I’d started every morning with God-time – prayers and spiritual readings – I was going through the motions without the presence of mind. I wasn’t feeling what I was reading because I let my mind wander onto every irrelevant thought.

Now in my car, I finally realized it was my thoughts that were the problem, not the world outside of me. I asked my higher power to help me reconnect to the infinite love that is ever-present when called upon. My favorite mantra is, “I feel the love of God within me now.” I immediately felt better knowing that my request would be answered, and it was. Aside from the relief of finding my compass and direction again, by the time I drove home from work later in the day, I felt the familiar warm and secure feeling that I’d come to know from having conscious contact with my higher power. As a sense of warmth surged through my veins, peace of mind followed.  

Sure enough, on the way home the horns were silenced, drivers were considerate, no more scowling faces, and nothing needed to be any different than it was.

I can’t change much, but I can change my thinking. That’s why this New Year, my resolution is to give up negativity. It serves no positive purpose, and it only makes me feel irritable, restless, and discontent. Instead of dwelling on all that’s wrong in the world, I can focus on the blessings in my life, and be grateful. 

God doesn’t make mistakes, people do. And yet, we have the gift of forgiveness and are free to use it at any time. This doesn’t mean pain and suffering should be ignored. But if I can’t be a part of the solution, I need to work on healing the things that I can help to solve. So, starting this year I’m going to remember, “Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.”

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