When we look at the world, it seems very few people are genuinely happy, yet it seems to be something everyone strives to achieve. It’s the root of all motivation. If I get married, if I have career success, if I have children, if I have a nice house, if I have money, if I get this project done … if, if, if.
Happiness is a natural state of being when we live in spiritual unison with ourselves and others. It’s not something that occurs when we violate our own moral standards or live in self-will. Yet happiness will emanate from within when we live as we were intended.
Key # 1 – Listening to the Right Voice
In The Healing Moment, I talk about the two voices in our heads. One of them is constantly chattering away with incessant fears and concerns about the past and the future. This voice obsesses over what’s wrong with our lives and the world in general. It robs us of any peace or tranquility. All these fear-based thoughts center on what I want and don’t want, as if it even matters. As the negative voice continues to stir the disaster stew, I lose sleep, stay anxious, and rob myself of joy.
The other voice in our heads doesn’t intrude upon it. It waits quietly for us to ask for help. It is ever-present to provide guidance and direction. Whenever disturbed I simply need to stop what I’m doing and ask the quiet gentle voice for help. I will know what to do. If I’m agitated, I’ll feel calmer, when confused, clarification, and when I can’t make good decisions, it will give me the courage to say yes or no. This is the voice of love.
It takes practice to listen to the voice of love. But learning how to restrain from fear-driven compulsions provides the kind of power that I really want. The kind that offers lasting positive self-esteem instant of regret and remorse.
Key # 2 – Being in the Moment
I recently heard a wonderful example of being in the moment. It was about a woman who regularly meditates on an hourglass so that she remembers to be in the moment. When she looks at the sand at the bottom of the glass, she sees the past. When she looks at the sand on the top of the glass, she’s focusing on the future. But when she looks at the middle of the hourglass, she sees the present.
How often do we dwell on the past and the future? Right now, is all we have, and by the time we say, “I’m here now,” it’s already gone. We have zero control over the past or the future other than to forgive the past and embrace the future.
If we are willing to place our consciousness in the middle of the hourglass, we will learn how to live in the moment. We’ve heard that we won’t be given more than we can handle. Why not trust that we can handle the moment and that it’s the only place to be? Otherwise, we wage a war with time, a war that has no beginning and no end.
If you add up all the bad moments in your life, how many hours of your entire life do they occupy? There are 8,766 hours in a year. There will be some unpleasant moments during those hours. But how much of those hours are eaten away with thoughts about the past and future? Why not just feel the unpleasant moments, so that they can pass down the hourglass into the past and leave us in the precious moment? I need only ask, “Do I want to leave this planet an angry, frustrated soul, or do I want to say to myself that I found the secret – I lived, I loved, I laughed – a life well lived?
Key # 3 – Remaining Grateful
The happiest people are grateful. They are grateful for all their blessings, and they are grateful for all of their misfortunes as well. They appreciate what they’ve been given because it makes life easier. They accept the painful times because they know that those tough times can push them to grow.
It’s easy to see when someone else feels entitled, but how many of us just expect things to happen on demand? The water comes out of the faucet, the crops grow, and the lights turn on with a flick of the switch. More goes right than wrong every second. Some people never appreciate all the ways they are shown love from family and friends, they simply expect it without ever expressing gratitude.
Humans take so much for granted – especially those of us who aren’t struggling to stay alive. When we can be grateful for every breath, for everything within our sight, for food, shelter, and those who show us love, we can be much happier.
Happiness is the result of deciding to think and feel differently about life. When we listen to the voice of love, learn to embrace the moment, and be grateful for all that is provided to us, we are choosing happiness over misery. As best said in the Desiderata, “It is still a beautiful world, strive to be happy.”
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Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
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