Coping with Stress – Ways to Achieve Optimal Mental Health – Part 1 of 4

According to the World Health Organization, mental health is defined as, “A state of mental well-being that enables people to cope with the stresses of life, realize their abilities, learn well and work well, and contribute to their community.” This definition is interesting. This sort of places the ability to cope outside of personal choice. With all the help available, no one need be mentally unhealthy.

Mental health also applies to a person’s maturity level and the ability to remain (organically) rational and caring about themselves and others even amid the turmoil. I’ve worked with many people who suffered a mental health diagnosis and were able to learn how to think in a logical and mature manner. They even learned how to rely on their coping skills instead of denial, mood-altering substances, or other forms of escapism.

If you wonder about your mental health, here are some things you can do to validate your state of mind or identify ways to self-correct.

Managing Life-Stressors

It’s impossible to eliminate stress, there will always be unexpected events, bad news, financial concerns (even for the wealthy), loss, relationship conflicts, bad weather, and other glitches that can occur daily. You can’t control those events, but you can choose how you react to these circumstances.

Your Mindset: You can develop a positive attitude about change instead of a fatalistic mindset. Even when you don’t like what’s happening, you can replace negative thoughts with ideas such as, “I’m willing to believe this is happening for a reason. I’m going to grow through this experience instead of resisting it.” Fighting reality keeps the nightmare alive, facing it helps you to prepare for better things to come. Eventually, you can learn to roll with life’s ups and downs and even begin to enjoy the unexpected.

Emotional Regulation: When you accept that painful situations are a natural part of life, you can heal from anything. Allowing yourself to cry releases the grief. Crying also produces oxytocin, a natural chemical that creates a sense of well-being.[1]

It’s also important to release your anger in a mentally healthy way. It might feel natural to lash out at someone who’s hurt you, but this is never constructive and guaranteed to add to your stress even if it feels good in the moment. Intentionally berating someone will only boomerang back in one way or another. You can learn to say how you feel without attacking someone if you process the toxic anger before you speak. This can be done by writing about or talking out your feelings with an impartial person, or even punching pillows. Once you feel neutral, you can effectively communicate your pain without inflicting further harm to yourself or another. There’s a big difference between telling someone how hurt you are and that you’re uncertain about the future versus calling someone names and telling them off. If you have a conflict with someone, try a win-win solution instead of the alternatives.

Holding on to a fantasy or refusing to move through the grief process is one of the main sources of emotional dysregulation. Like holding on to a scalding pot, the only outcome is getting further burned. But once you drop the hot item, you can tend to your wounds and begin healing. If you’re in a relationship that causes more pain than soothing, it might be time to let go. Sometimes relationships are right, just not right now.

Most important, relationships are places to grow. When we utilize the opportunities provided during good and bad times, we always emerge as better people than before.

Third, a lot of stress can be thwarted by careful planning. With money, you can learn how to be financially responsible. Having debt, no emergency fund, and allowing bills to stack up is like heaping hot coals of stress upon your head. Even if you think you’re not bothered by this behavior, other people will be affected. Sooner or later, there will be consequences. When you remain debt free, save, promptly pay your bills, and live within your means, your life runs smoother.

You can also reduce stress by wisely managing your time. When you plan to be a few minutes early, anticipate delays, and don’t overbook yourself, you can eliminate a huge percentage of normal daily stress. Once you develop these good habits, you’ll have zero tolerance for putting bad habits back on your plate. This will give you the emotional reserves to cope with stress when things pile up beyond your control.

Fighting reality is the greater cause of suffering, than the event that caused your pain. Mentally healthy people accept reality. Then they can use creative strategies to decide what’s truly best for themselves and others. They make decisions based on facts, not opinions. They take responsibility for their choices and once they’ve decided, they don’t gyrate unless there’s concrete evidence to do otherwise.

Ironically, as I write this blog, I’m overhearing a conversation between a father and son in an outdoor dining setting. The son just said, “Real estate sales are really hard right now. Everything is working against it. I’ve had to learn how to manage my emotions. It’s going to take a while for things to shake out. I know things will get better.” Then he explains his strategy to capitalize on the depressed market going forward. He shares his vision and dream of a future real estate development and how he’s raising money. This young man has learned the most mentally healthy lesson of all. He’s in charge of his mental health – no blaming anyone or anything. This guy will find the silver lining in any situation – his mindset is the epitome of mental health.

When it comes to mental health, the best way to cope with stress is to remember what you can control and what not. By directing your energy into managing yourself, you will reduce self-inflicted stress and have better reserves to cope with the unexpected. Once you achieve this goal, you will find a much happier, more productive you.

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