You Are the Most Important Person You Will Ever Forgive

Most people think they are resentful toward someone or something else. They are mad at someone who hurt them, outraged that they didn’t get a fair shot at life, or think God is out to get them. We associate the ensuing pain with something external, but the core issue is abandonment. The real anger is that you’ve lost something, and down deep lies self-blame.

Forgiveness is an inside job. But, if you look beneath your conscious emotions, you can find a sense of peace that transcends resentment and its negative energy.

Look Inward – The anger you might direct outward serves to cover up an underlying sense of inadequacy. Once you open the door inward, you can let out the pain that’s been stored and be free to trust again.

Here’s an exercise for you to do. Think of someone with whom you feel resentment. Write down what happened. Now close your eyes and return to the event that caused you pain. Before the betrayal, was there something you didn’t want to see? Was there a gentle voice inside that tried to warn you? Were you so swept up in possibilities that you didn’t care for yourself? What fear was driving your decisions at the time? Were you trying to control someone? Were you a helpless child that internalized someone’s neglect or abuse?

Remove the Poisonous Darts – Once you face the origin of your resentment, it’s time to release it. Toxic energy will never benefit you. When we don’t release our pain, we will likely reenact it endlessly. We become victims of our own doing. Freud explained this behavior as an attempt to achieve mastery over a traumatic past. This can never happen. No one can change the past. But you can release it.

Take pen and paper and write a letter to the person who harmed you. Then, you can punch pillows or get a plastic baseball bat and hit a tree. The goal is to release all the negative energy that has been stored inside of you. Continue the exercise until all the anger and tears are gone, and you feel completely spent.

Allow the Healing – Once all the poison is out of your system, relax and soak up the stillness. Imagine that you’re back in time and take the person you were by the hand. Look them in the eyes with love. Ask them if, for some reason, they blame themselves. Do you feel this is your fault? Do you wish you’d been smarter? Do you wish you’d done something differently?

Please pay attention to the answers, no matter how trivial they seem. Then, with all the love in your heart, say, “I forgive you. You did the best you could at the time. Life is a learning process. It’s time to let this go.” Then allow yourself to soak in those words while holding that younger version of yourself. Provide comfort. Don’t let go until you feel lighter and freer – as if the world’s weight is off your shoulders.
Mistakes are an essential part of life. They teach us to have humility and to be wiser. We can either grow or stunt our growth through our experiences. It’s a choice. We’re not supposed to have all the answers, but the answers are there for us when we are willing to listen.

You are the most important person you will ever forgive. Are you ready to be happy and unencumbered with the burden of old baggage? If the answer is yes, allow yourself to drop the weight of blame and set yourself free. Free to be yourself, free to be the love that you are.

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