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One of my friends said, “Change is good. You go first.” His humorous comment reflects the difficulty many of us face when we can’t seem to muster the force that would change unwanted circumstances. But what if you changed this mantra to, “Change is good, I’ll go first.”


Many people seek help, but usually to see how they can change someone or something other than themselves. This never works. How can you expect someone else to work on themselves while you sit back and remain the same? The only person you need ever change is yourself. Once that happens, change is all around you.


If only I had a job where I was appreciated and paid what I’m worth.’   ‘Why can’t my wife stop spending?’ ‘Why is my brother drinking himself to death?’  ‘I can’t stand my neighborhood, no one’s friendly.’ ‘As long as my wife makes desserts, I can’t lose weight.’ These are common thoughts that produce consistent results, nothing at all. Also, every one of these conditions is self-made.


If you want to change your life, you must be the change you wish. Direct all your energy to yourself – not others. If you’re not happy with your job, get another and don’t settle. A job is like any other relationship. The dissatisfying jobs are what make us appreciate the better positions. If someone is drinking or spending too much, who’s financing the problem? If your neighbors aren’t friendly, be friendly just because it feels good or focus on neighbors who are receptive. If you’re stuck in a habit, you don’t like, focus on that habit instead of someone else’s.


Some people say they can’t change. If this is the case, they should take an honest self-inventory and admit they won’t change.


Change requires personal effort, and if you don’t do the work or figure out why you’re stuck in circumstances you don’t like, you’ll remain in an abyss of despair. Change the one person you can control – yourself. You might be surprised that the effort on your part will create change all around you. Then you will realize the secret to achieving the results that you wanted all along.

Join our movement.

Dr. Donna Marks has been an author, consultant, public speaker, and psychotherapist for over thirty years. She was licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987 and then certified in Addiction, Gestalt Therapy, Hypnosis, Sex Therapy, and Psychoanalysis. She currently has a concierge psychotherapy practice in Palm Beach, Florida.
She has appeared on numerous podcasts and local television. She is the author of two books, Learn Grow Forgive – A Path to Spiritual Success, and Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Solution (revised), and winner of multiple book awards. Her next book, The Healing Moment: Seven Keys to Turn Messes into Miracles, will be released in 2023.

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