One of my friends said, “Change is good. You go first.” His humorous comment reflects the difficulty many of us face when we can’t seem to muster the force that would change unwanted circumstances. But what if you changed this mantra to, “Change is good, I’ll go first.”
Many people seek help, but usually to see how they can change someone or something other than themselves. This never works. How can you expect someone else to work on themselves while you sit back and remain the same? The only person you need ever change is yourself. Once that happens, change is all around you.
‘If only I had a job where I was appreciated and paid what I’m worth.’ ‘Why can’t my wife stop spending?’ ‘Why is my brother drinking himself to death?’ ‘I can’t stand my neighborhood, no one’s friendly.’ ‘As long as my wife makes desserts, I can’t lose weight.’ These are common thoughts that produce consistent results, nothing at all. Also, every one of these conditions is self-made.
If you want to change your life, you must be the change you wish. Direct all your energy to yourself – not others. If you’re not happy with your job, get another and don’t settle. A job is like any other relationship. The dissatisfying jobs are what make us appreciate the better positions. If someone is drinking or spending too much, who’s financing the problem? If your neighbors aren’t friendly, be friendly just because it feels good or focus on neighbors who are receptive. If you’re stuck in a habit, you don’t like, focus on that habit instead of someone else’s.
Some people say they can’t change. If this is the case, they should take an honest self-inventory and admit they won’t change.
Change requires personal effort, and if you don’t do the work or figure out why you’re stuck in circumstances you don’t like, you’ll remain in an abyss of despair. Change the one person you can control – yourself. You might be surprised that the effort on your part will create change all around you. Then you will realize the secret to achieving the results that you wanted all along.
Join our movement.
Donna Marks is an educator, licensed psychotherapist, and addictions counselor in Palm Beach, Florida. She has worked with over 6,000 clients. Donna’s struggle with addiction brought her to a worldwide search for healing. She became licensed as a Mental Health Counselor in 1987. In 1989, she earned a Doctorate Degree in Adult Education, then became Certified in Addictions, Gestalt Therapy, Psychoanalysis, Hypnosis, and Sex Therapy. Donna developed an award-winning addiction training program at Palm Beach Community College. She co-owns an outpatient treatment program and serves as a consultant to treatment centers. For 36 years, she has taught A Course in Miracles.
Donna is the author of three books: the multi-award-winning title Exit the Maze: One Addiction, One Cause, One Cure, and Learn, Grow, Forgive: A Path to Spiritual Success, The Healing Moment: Seven Paths to Turn Messes into Miracles of Love, and her latest fiction, Fortis & Sapiente – A Tale of Two Lovers Who Successfully Navigate the Murky Waters of Love. Donna is a public speaker and has shared her methods with millions of listeners on podcasts and radio shows.
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